Top 10 signs it's time to clean your apartment

10.  The fire alarm in your building goes off at 3am, and instead of thinking, "OH CRAP!  I have to save my scrapbooks and koalas!" you think, "OH CRAP!  If the fire department sees my apartment, it will be labeled a fire hazzard and condemned!"

9. You no longer refer to your apartment as "your apartment."  You now call it, "the apartment I share with some roaches and a couple of mice."

8.  You sleep on 1/3 of your bed because the other 2/3 is covered in scrapbooking supplies.  And it's not really a bed anymore.  It's more of a crumb buffet.

7.  You get up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom, and you slip on pizza box and land with your arm in an empty picture frame, your foot in a gift bag full of green tissue paper from Christmas, and your head on one of those Entertainment coupon books that you've been looking for for a year.  You curse your luck because you wish your head landed on the gift bag full of tissue paper because it's softer than the coupon book.

6.  You fear that if you brought the children you nanny over to your place, they would be lost and floundering in the junk.  You consider taking them to the ball pit at Chuck  E. Cheese's for training but decide the balls wouldn't be deep enough.

5.  Not only can you not find your TV remote, you can't find your TV.

4.  A TV crew from Hoarders comes by, and they ran away after you open your door.

3.  Scientists from America's top universities are vying for access to your kitchen sink to study the new species that has evolved from the crud in the drain.  Researchers hypothesize that if current rate of evolution that they have observed continutes, the creatures in said sink will be able to talk in 3 weeks. 

2.  There are enough empty diet coke cans lining your window sill that at a rate of about 2 cents a can, a homeless man could cash them in and eat 3 square meals a day for a month. 

1. Your apartment smells like tires.

Layout dump

This first layout is for the Friday Fun Day challenge at Lucky Girl Crafts.  I was inspired by Natalie's note holder.  Basically, her cute project inspired me to use a scalloped kraft envelope on my page, which I think looks alot like her note holder. I like how she embellished the actual closure of her enevelope, so I replaced the white string that came with the envelope with green twine and added little heart stickers at the ends to mimic to her stars.

This one is also for the Friday Fun Day challenge at Lucky Girl Crafts.  This time, I was inspired by Jessica's use of paint on her page background.  I actually think her painting is much better than mine, but oh well...  This is also for the polka dot challenge at The Paper Variety and the challenge to scrap your favorite thing about spring at These Are a Few of My Favorite Things.  I fussy cut those cute little rabbits from some K & Company paper.  So vintagey cute! 

This last page is for the Mission to Create challenge.  I used primary colors, journaling blocks, and the "What a Beautiful Mess" picture inspired the way I lined up the letters in my title.  This is also for March's Project 12.

Evidence that farts are naturally funny

I did this layout for like a gazillion challenges.  First, it's for the April Sassafrass blog challenge.  I used their Indie Girl line, which I love because of the unique color combo.  I cut up a scalloped border sticker to make a banner, and I also cut the feather from a sticker.  Second, it's for Scrapfit challenge #41 to create a homemade flower.  I created an accordian-folded flower out of a strip of paper that I punched with a border punch.  I was also inspired by the colors and the grid-style layout in the Etsy collage provided for the Candy Shop Designs April challenge. My color scheme and the shimmer from my misting was inspired by the Easter egg picture at Lollipop Ladies. The Show Us Your Stuff April challenge was to use a button in a creative way.  I topped my homeade flower with a button tied with twine.  Last, the What's Up Wednesday challenge at Sweet Peach Crop Shoppe was to use mist.  I used Smooch on my background paper and on the raw chipboard letters in my title.

This here layout was done for the My Mind's Eye blog challenge.  I can't believe that previous sentence just flowed from my brain to my fingertips so naturally.  Apparently, you can take the girl out of Texas, but you can't take the Texas out of the girl.   But I digress.  I made a pleated border which I attached with staples, and I made a homemade paper bow.  I also made the flower, and I've discovered a way to simplify the flower-making process that involves staples and a few scissor snips.  If I had any sort of motvation, I would share it here, step-by-step.  But hey, I can't even get motivated to take my shoes off before I go to bed half the time.

Anyway, I was inspired by Nicole Brenna's layout at XOXO Girls.  I liked how she clustered here flowers.  It's not a close lift, but I think you can see the inspiration.  This is also for the April challenges at Get Picky, Stuck!, Pencil Lines, and Sketch Inspiration.  It's also for the challenge at 2 Peas to use a die-cut.  Last, it was inspired by the sketch at Sweet Peach Crop Shop, also.  I'm not a big fan of circles, so I replaced the circle in the sketch with a square. 

Please excuse my numerous, self-aggrandizing layout closeup pictures.  But hey, you could learn ALOT by examining EVERY. SINGLE. DETAIL. of my projects.  Like how to creatively mask pet hair and pink-colored Froot Loop milk spills on your pages!

Anyway, so more about my blog post title.  The other day, the adorable, 16 month-old child that I nanny (is nanny a verb?) tooted on my head while we were cuddling in bed together.  You may ask how her butt came to be positioned on the back of my head, but that's a story for another day.  Well, she started laughing hysterically, her little fists hitting the bed in a state of utter giddiness.  I ask you, how did this sweet little creature come to think that passing gas is funny?  It's not like I laughed or showed any type of reaction.  And no, that's not a rhetorical question.  I have an answer.  She laughed because farts are naturally funny.  It's human nature to laugh at farts.  Even a toddler, who has been sheltered from all cultural sources of potty humor, thinks farts are funny.  It's NATURE not nurture

Little Circus Monkey

I love this kid.  The journaling says, " This kid is such a performer.  Whether she's being "bossy," kissing her reflection in the mirror, or wearing her bowl on her face, she loves to make us laugh!  In fact, as soon as she does something silly, she'll look up at me to see if I'm laughing!  And boy, do people ever laugh!  Of course, I think sometimes SHE laughs more at her antics than we do.  Caroline, this is one of the many reasons I love spending my days with you.  I truly have the best job in the world!  And she's laughing at the dog as I write this!"

This is for three challenges.  First, it's for the Imaginisce challenge to create a paper piecing.  I made a cute little banner out of pop dotted triangles and stars.  I also doodled and added a bit of twine.  I also used a sketch from Sketchy Thursdays and used the color comination from the collage given at Scrap the Girls.  I love this layout because the colors, embellishments, and design all help tell my story!  I'm totally patting myself on the back right now.  Heh heh...

And yeah, to everyone one complaining that I don't post enough, thanks for inadvertantly telling me you like and read my blog.  Well, I guess that you don't necessarily have to like my blog to read it...  I'll try to post more "funny" stuff soon.

Aloe Vera plants and I'm a moron

Apparenly my blog has been broken for a month, and I only figured it out until now!  People have been getting error messages when they try to leave me comments, and this is most likely due to the fact that I'm using a third-party template.  I suppose I should have figured out that something was amiss when I went from having like eight comments on each of my posts to zero.  But, well, I did have to repeat first grade.  Thanks to Dawn over at Sketches in Thyme for letting me know via email.  And all the rest of my loyal readers who did not infrom me of this issue (all two of you) are bad people.  The kind of bad people who go to hell. 

Did you know that you don't have to water aloe vera plants?  Well, I haven't watered mine in six months, and it's still a lean, green, sunburn-fightin' machine! 

I can't believe people trust me with their children.

Another ugly layout... And a cool one

Here's a layout that I made that I kind of hate.  I made it for the challenge to use a monochromatic pink color scheme with splashes of yellow.  But I missed another deadline...  Anyway, I made it using a sketch from The Scrappiest. 

And I kind of like this one even though I made it using realllly old product!  I used this sketch from Handmade by Suzanne.  I'm also entering this page in the open contest at Sketches in Thyme and the one word challenge at Challenge Masters ("lucky"). I was inspired to do this layout after seeing Natalie's layout at Lucky Girl Crafts.  She used a black, red, and cream color scheme and decorative tabs, and the topic of her layout is a date night!  I duplicated all of those things on my page.  The limited color scheme was a challenge for me, but as I said, I'm quite fond of this page for some reason. 

Clumsily ripped blue jeans = Scrapbook embellishment!

About a year ago, I went to a crop with my friend, Christy, and we were some of the first people to arrive.  Christy is very picky about where she sits when we crop at this store, and there are two other women who crop at MLPA that are just as willing to fight to the death for goods seats as she is.  On this particular day, urged by Christy, I ran for the door, my scrapbook totes swinging in the wind, as fast as I could.  Well, the next thing I know, I'm flying through the air like a skinny-assed version of the Goodyear blimp, and my stash of My Little Shoebox mini letter stickers are fanned out on the concrete like a deck of playing cards held by a drunk frat boy in Las Vegas.  My jeans ripped.  My favorite pair, no less, and I was bleeding from knees and palms.  But as Christy remembers, "She just got back up and kept on running!"  And guess what?  We got the good seats. 

So, that was the end of that pair of pants.  Or so I thought!  Inspired by the challenge at Let's Get Shabby to embellish a page with denim and lace (I used lace transparencies), I made a flower of them!  And then I realized 5 minutes ago that I missed the deadline.  Damn.  Anyway, this was inspired by Lisa Harrolle's cute doggie layout at XOXO.  It's also for this month's challenge at Kraft it Up, Mission 38 at Mission to Create, and I used the March sketch at Crafty Sketches.